Too Far Gone

        5 years now gone, I'm lonely but I'm not alone. There's no regrets. I'd say I missed you but that's not it. You say you're leaving but to me you already left. I'd say I'm sorry but I'll do it again. It's me who's leaving. I'll say it's fine, we'll fight and you'll "make up your mind." We've gotten crazy, I know dee pdown you hate me, and I hate who we've become. We're too far gone..
        I wanna thank you for my gift, ourdaughter is beautiful and I know it. I've never loved someone so much before, and for this I have you to thank for. 2 teens, 1 world, 1 boy and 1 sad little girl, you made it easy for me to forget why I was hurting.
        We grew, we've aged, we clean up messes we both have made. We tried so long, I'm sick of singing the same song. How did we go from love to who the hell knows? You made me happy, but I know deep down you hate me, and I hate who we've become, We're too far gone.
                            "I hear you screaming, the door slams, I'm leaving."
         I wanna thank you for my gift, our daughter is beautiful and I know it. I've never loved someone so much before, and for this I have you to thank for. 2 teens, 1 world. They grew and now there's 1 more, we made her happen, We love that she happened.
                                      Too Grown, Too wise. One baby with beautiful blue eyes.
                                              We made this happen, so glad she happened.

Education on a Roll.

I finished Dental assisting school with an A! and with a job offer before I even graduated. For this I am pretty proud of myself. I'm getting the ball rolling so that me and Emberlynn can have our own life, our own stuff, our own fun, and I'm freaking excited about this. My goal in life is for my daughter to want nothing, to have all the love in the world and know how to treat people and love them back, I never want her to feel alone, or unloved, and if I can help it she never will. My daughter is my hero, she makes me do things I never had the drive to do before. You here about mom's who get super hero like strength in situations involving their children and I believe it, just with my everyday things I feel on top of the world, when she falls and bumps her head, my adrenalin kicks in and i'm there in 2 seconds swooping her up of the ground. When I feed her and she starts choking, I have her out of the high chair and into the baby heimlick position faster than you can even say choke. Being a mother gives you strengths and emotions that you never thought were possible. When my baby hurts, I hurt, when my baby is sad, I am devistated. When my baby is happy I am so so so Happy. Being a mother is truely a gift from god.

&The Waves keep coming

I have my days. I get irritable and lazy, but I don't lie about being so perfect where I never have off days. I have days where noises set me off, people set me off, and certain voices make me want to pull my hair out. I have days. I'm not gonna put a fake smile on and pretend your my best friend if you bug the crap out of me. I already have a best friend who doesn't bug the crap out of me. If you are doing something I don't like or that I don't approve of, I'm not gonna act like I do, I will be myself, and If you start takling to me about something that you know I'm not a fan of, I'm gonna voice my opinion wether it hurts or not. I've gotten where I am by being who I am, and never taking crap from anyone. If I would've let all my haters and downers get to me I would not be where I am. I'm gonna keep fighting, my boxing gloves will be on in all my conversations just incase, and if that's too much then don't include me in your conversations, stop asking me to do things that you know I'm not okay with, and Stop being such a downer, I'm a happy person. I like to be around happy people, and I get that we all have days but if your gonna be a bitch just cause then stop talking to me, because unlike all your other friends or family that take it, or tip toe around your feelings, I won't. If you can't respect me, I am not gonna put energy into giving you my respect either. I love my daughter and I'm a damn good mom, you say something about my daughter or try to tell me how to parent it's gonna set me off, but that should be understandable, Especially when it's other parents that have done such "fantastic" jobs at raising there own kids. Leave mine alone. I'm not gonna parent like you, My kids won't end up like yours.

Its Summer, and almost Emberlynns 1st Birthday! She is so close to walking, she says a few words and she is so funny. She loves entertaining. This summer she has gone swimming, seen the fireworks and much much more.

I've always had all these words that I used to describe myself, confident, outgoing, fearless. Thats who I thought I was all these years, I recently discovered a new title, one that fits better than anyone I've ever had before, I'm mom. I'm not even just mom. I'm Emberlynn's Mom. Nothing has ever made me more proud. I'm 18 years young and have a lot to learn and a lot to do, but what I'm most confident in is being a mother to my beautiful little girl. I look at her in amazement. "I helped create her." There is no better feeling in the world to me. I've decided to take a stab at blogging again, now that I have more to say and a babies years to document. So bare with me.